Today was errand day. Like any other errand day, it consisted of trips to the pet store, the department store, and the local Wal-mart. My mother was joining me on this outing, as it is her birthday, and we have other plans for later in the afternoon. Shopping,the museum and an early dinner. We decided to make an entire day of it. It was the last stop of the morning, that thrusted my life into Bizzaro World for the briefest of moments.
The two of us were talking casually about various topics as we perused the aisles of Wal Mart. Intermittently trying to remind one another of the things we knew we'd needed. As I passed the lady supply aisle, and condom section, headed towards the shampoo, I noticed the personal lubricant selections. Knowing my mother needed some for her nose. (For those going " Uh huh.. sure she does!" She's on oxygen and uses it to keep the inside of her nose moist. So, keep your mind out of the gutter people!) I say rather loudly, "Hey, Ma, how's your KY supply?" Not realizing the volume in which I called to her, several people actually stopped what they were doing, and turned to look. Perhaps just startled that I spoke too loudly, but more than likely because I actually verbalized that phrase to a 62 year old woman rather loudly in a Wal-Mart!
Happy I reminded her that she might need more, she began to discuss the cost saving of the jumbo size tube. Debated if the Wal-Mart version would be adequate. I of course, joked how she might like the warming, or tingling versions better. Over the course of at least 3 or 4 minutes, we talked as if we were discussing the pros and cons of generic aspirin vs. the name brand. Never once mentioning out loud, that it's use was for a nose, and not for the purpose it was originally intended. Looking back, I'm sure people in the area were shocked that we were having such a frank discussion in public.
As I realized this was an abnormal conversation, I began to noticed a few people staring at the two of us. I'm sure most people aren't expecting a mother-daughter conversation about KY on a snowy Sunday morning at their local Wallly world! One poor old man was trying to select a stick of deodorant was so shocked, mouth agape he stood motionless staring at the scene carefully unfolding before him. As I became aware of my surroundings, I looked at the poor old guy, and he quickly averted his eyes back towards the deodorant he came in for. Flustered, I think he just grabbed an off brand of pit roll. Maybe it was called Stinky Old Man, I'm not sure.
Do you ever have that surreal feeling wafted over you, that is similar to a video recorder, replaying the things that just came out of your mouth? And you are shocked you could say such things? Where did those words come? How could I say that? Well, I had that moment hit me. Never in my 37 years of life, would I have ever imagined that I would be discussing in depth the pros and cons of different types of lube with my mother! Yes, it's lube for the nose, but KY is one of those phrases that initiates instantaneous embarrassment and snickers. But, the two of us just discussed it like it was no big deal. And it really isn't. But, it's KY for cryin' out loud, not Vaseline! Big Difference if you ask me. Well, I guess not in my Bizzaro World.
The great thing about my Mom, is she doesn't get the surreal nature of our conversation. She just made her selection and moved on to the next topic of discussion. Leaving me and the surrounding customers to scratching our heads in disbelief of what just happened.